I once cried a thousand tears for you…
by kirayasha aka kira
Summary: A chance encounter while securing a palace during a mission, sparks a memory in Jakotsu about his mother.


Title: I once cried a thousand tears for you…

Author: kira

Rating: Adult

Characters: Jakotsu, Bankotsu, Renkotsu, Suikotsu

Genre, AU/Canon, etc.: Angst, dark fluff, Precanon'verse

Words: 2010

Summary: A chance encounter while securing a palace during a mission, sparks a memory in Jakotsu about his mother.

Warnings: Mention of blood & guts, brief scene of a violent murder

Author's note: Please note that in my precanon'verse Jakotsu grew up in a bathhouse, which is a poor man's brothel. He worked there as a child prostitute until he left with Bankotsu, who decided to take him with on a whim.

Author's note: This took second place!

888

Jakotsu ran through the castle, killing anything that moved as per their orders. He was having the time of his life too as there were mostly women left, servants and ladies-in-waiting to the late daimyo's wife as well as female relatives. He cut them all down indiscriminately, instead of rounding a few up as the others no doubt were doing, until now. There, huddled in the shadows, was a woman and two small children. As he approached them, the woman did her best to shield them from him with her body. It made the cross-dresser pause. Somewhere in the back of his mind, a long buried memory of his mother surfaced. Snarling, he flicked his Jakotsutou in their direction, killing them.

Bankotsu found him an hour later, covered in blood as he continued to hack their bodies into pieces. "Sweetness?" he called out, and getting no response, he added, "Jakotsu!"

The cross-dresser slowly turned at the sound of his name. He stared wild-eyed at the younger boy for several long, tense minutes. "I hate her…" he said softly as if that explained everything.

"Who?" Bankotsu asked as he wondered how his paramour knew the woman he just murdered.

"The bitch!" the cross-dresser spat.

The fifteen year old nodded.

"She left me behind in that hellhole," Jakotsu said flatly. "I hate her."

"I don't blame you."

"She took my sister… Why couldn't she take me too?"

"She had to leave you there so I could find you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah... Come on, Sweetness, let's go find the others and celebrate." The fifteen year old slowly approached him, and taking him by the arm, he attempted to lead Jakotsu out of the room.

The cross-dresser shook him off, and turning, he spat on the remains of the woman's corpse. "Bitch!" he hissed. Plastering a sweet smile on his face, he turned to the younger and hanging onto him, he said, "Let's go, Aniki-chan."

888

Jakotsu sat quietly at the celebratory dinner. Refusing Bankotsu's offer to wash up before hand, he was filthy and covered in grime from the battle to take the castle and looked terrible. Barely touching his food, he drank instead, prompting Suikotsu to come over and talk to him.

"You okay, Jak?" the claw-bearer asked as he sat down next to his friend. Suikotsu waved aside the serving girl who came to refill the cross-dresser's sake cup.

Jakotsu, glared at the girl, before turning his attention to his friend. He simply nodded in reply.

"You sure? You've barely touched your food, or are you planning on feasting on Oo-Aniki tonight?" He shuddered, noting his friend was covered in blood and the gods knew what else.

The cross-dresser shrugged.

"Look at me, Jakotsu." Suikotsu reached out, and grabbing his friend by the chin, he forced him to look in his direction. "Tell me what's wrong," he said when the cross-dresser slowly met his gaze.

"Nothing…"

"Nothing? You're filthy, and still dressed in the same kimono you had this morning, when I'm sure you could have found something clean to wear. Oo-Aniki said the daimyo kept his mistress here along with his wife and he was rich enough to keep both women in style." He gently brushed the hair out of Jakotsu's eyes. "And you're covered in dried blood…" Suikotsu closed his eyes and swallowed. "And you won't eat even though we haven't eaten all day."

"Not hungry…" The cross-dresser's eyes welled up with tears. "I hate her!"

"Who?" Suikotsu gently prodded.

"My bitch of a mother!" Jakotsu shouted briefly drawing the others' attention.

"Sweetness?"

"It's okay, Oo-Aniki," the claw-bearer replied. "What did she do, Jakotsu?"

"She left me behind, Sui… I had to pay off her debts and then my own. I'd still be there if Aniki-chan hadn't found me and took me away."

"It's good he found you."

Jakotsu nodded. "Why'd she take my sister? Why couldn't she take me too?"

"Maybe she could only take one of you. It had to have been a difficult choice, Jak."

"She should have left my baby sister; they would have wanted her, Sui. They used to let the boy babies die. We'd find them in the garbage heaps." The cross-dresser looked away and back. "I sometimes wondered why I never ended up there or why the boss-man let her keep me…"

"Maybe you were some wealthy client's brat."

"Maybe…" He shrugged. "All I know is I hate her, Sui. I hate her so much I'd kill her and cut her up into little pieces."

Suikotsu, remembering how much his mother had doted on him, nodded sadly.

Jakotsu giggled. "But enough of her, let's talk about something else."

Suikotsu smiled back at him. "Okay..."

888

Jakotsu sat on the bathing stool, enjoying Bankotsu's gentle and loving touch, while he tried to sort out his mixed emotions. Part of the strength of his bond with the younger boy was knowing that he, too, was neglected by his mother to some extent, having been raised for the most part by his older sisters, the other part being Bankotsu did not care that the cross-dresser was a fatherless brat. Still it rankled that his lover's family had loved him.

Bankotsu, sensing his paramour's dark mood, picked up the bucket of water and poured it over Jakotsu's head. He hated seeing his lover so upset.

"HEY!" the cross-dresser sputtered, his foul mood forgotten. "What was that for?" He pouted.

"To get you to stop wasting your time thinking about that bitch. So what if she left you behind, I got to find you because of it! And you know what? I'm glad she did!"

Jakotsu scooted around on the stool to face him. He frowned. "You're happy I was working my ass off in the bathhouse?"

"Yeah! Because now we're together! I told you, working there is much better than being some fatherless brat, tied to some idiot legitimate heir, whose only thought about you is how to make your life miserable!"

They glared at each other.

"I'm sorry your mother was such a bitch, Jakotsu, but the way I see it, she did you a huge favor!"

The cross-dresser's eyes welled up with tears.

"Don't cry, Sweetness," Bankotsu said softly as he put his arms around the older boy's waist. "Please… she's not worth it."

"I know… but it hurts…" Jakotsu whispered as he wrapped his arms around the fifteen year old.

"So do wounds, but you don't keep picking at them and making them fester…"

"No, cuz that only makes Sui mad…"

"Well, whining about your mother makes me mad, so don't it anymore!"

Jakotsu sighed. "Okay…"

"I'm serious, Sweetness."

"I know… and I promise I won't think about her any more."

"Good. Now let's go soak for a while so we don't wake up all stiff tomorrow morning."

The cross-dresser, feeling better, giggled. "I thought you don't you don't mind waking up all… stiff," he said saucily.

Bankotsu snorted in amusement, pleased that his paramour was starting to sound more like his old self. "Not that kind of stiff," he said as he moved to stand up. Holding out his hands, which Jakotsu took, he pulled the cross-dresser to his feet.

"A pity as that's my favorite kind of stiffness…"

"Jakotsu!"

The cross-dresser giggled in reply as they headed towards the bathhouse's soaking pool.

888

Jakotsu lay in the futon, wide awake, despite feeling exhausted. Even Bankotsu curled up next to him failed to bring him the comfort he needed in order to sleep. Try as he might he could not get rid of his feelings of abandonment and hatred towards his mother. Desperately trying to keep his promise to his lover, the cross-dresser closed his eyes and tried to think of happier things, namely Bankotsu, but it always led his thoughts back to his mother. Hugging the younger boy close, Jakotsu finally drifted off into an uneasy sleep.

888

Lagging behind on the way home, Jakotsu forlornly brought up the rear. Instead of starting a fight, Bankotsu chose instead to ignore his paramour's annoying behavior, and hurried on ahead, leaving Renkotsu to deal with the melancholy cross-dresser.

"What the hell's your problem?" the fire-breather asked. "You've got Oo-Aniki running for the hills, and you've been sighing like an old woman for the past couple of ri."

"Nothing…"

"That's some big nothing."

Jakotsu nodded.

"You couldn't have found some girl in your futon last night, or else we would have heard her screams," Renkotsu mused. "Oh wait, Mukotsu found one in his and it was hard to tell who was louder, him or her." He grinned. "That's supposed to be funny, Jak."

"Yeah?"

The fire-breather heaved a long suffering sigh. "Yeah… Seriously, what's really bothering you?"

Jakotsu gave him a wan smile as they walked along, trailing the others. "Nothing…"

"That may work with Oo-Aniki and Sui, but I'm not buying it."

"Oh…"

"Yeah… so are you going to tell me what's wrong or am I going to follow in Oo-Aniki's footsteps and leave here all by yourself?"

Jakotsu sighed. Daintily nibbling on his thumbnail, he took several minutes to gather his thoughts. Looking up and over at the fire-breather, he asked, "Do you hate your mother, Ren?"

Renkotsu eyed him quizzically, suspecting some kind of trick, but answered honestly none-the-less. "No, Jak, and that's only because I don't remember her."

"She die on you when you were little?"

"No, my parents left me at a monastery. They probably had too many mouths to feed and rather than see one of us die, I was chosen to become a monk. The way I see it, it was the best of a bad situation. Besides, having a son who's a monk gave them a lot of honor. And since I never came home, as far as they know I'm still there, giving them honor."

"Oh…"

Renkotsu nodded. "What about you? You hate your mother?"

Jakotsu nodded. "But I don't want to talk it…" he said softly.

"Fair enough. Even though I'll probably live to regret this, if you ever do want to talk about it, I guess I can listen."

"Thanks, Ren."

"Don't mention it."

They continued on their way in companionable silence, eventually catching up to the others.

888

That night after dinner, Bankotsu walked around the inn's garden with Jakotsu. He noticed the cross-dresser seemed happier than he had been, and taking his paramour's hand, he kissed his fingers. "Feeling better now?"

"Much better." Jakotsu smiled.

"That's good." _Still hate her?_

"I still hate her," the cross-dresser said as if reading Bankotsu's mind. "And I think I always will… But you're right, things could be worse, I could still be stuck there, instead of being here with you."

"True …"

"So I'm happy, strange as it sounds, that she did leave me there since it brought us together, but I'm still angry with her. I don't think I'll forgive her for it. "

"No one said you had to, Sweetness."

"Yeah?"

"Yup! What she did to you was awful. There's no way you can deny that."

Jakotsu nodded.

"Hell, if that was my mother, I'd hate her too!"

"I thought you liked you mother…?" Jakotsu scratched his cheek, his brow knitted together in confusion.

Bankotsu rolled his eyes. "I do and I don't, but only because she was too busy with my father to pay much attention to me."

"At least you know who your father is…"

"Sweetness, let's not get into that."

"Okay…" Jakotsu smiled and leaned in, kissing him. "Thanks for making me feel better just by being here and putting up with me."

"Why wouldn't I? I like you."

"Dunno… You do?" The cross-dresser's face lit up when that little nugget of information sank in.

"Of course I do, you idiot!" Bankotsu huffed.

"I guess I really am stupid, eh?" Jakotsu said sheepishly as he reached up to scratch the back of his head.

"Nah… not stupid; just cute as always," the fifteen year old said as he pulled the older boy close.

"Awe…"

Bankotsu, taking advantage of Jakotsu's discomfiture, kissed him long and hard…


End file.
